the healthy way was honestly exhausting and painfully slow. calorie deficit, clean eating, daily cardio + weight training, tracking calories/macros, forcing myself to hit protein goals, all that stuff. discipline became a full time job. constantly tracking everything, writing everything down, forcing consistency for months. mentally draining.

training was hell too. sometimes i’d do cardio for 2-3 hours daily. extreme fatigue, body pain, zero energy. the only real upside was being able to eat decent food sometimes. other than that, it felt miserable. healthy weight loss is obviously safer, but for me it was mentally exhausting. eventually i snapped and had a huge binge episode. insane amounts of sugar and food. you completely lose control and just keep eating even when you aren’t hungry anymore. genuinely one of the worst feelings ever.

then there’s starving.

i haven’t been starving for that long yet, but the results make me way happier. honestly this method feels easier for me mentally. i usually do either 3/1 or 2/1 starving, meaning 2-3 days starving and 1 day eating. during starving i still try to get enough protein in, preferably in the morning or middle of the day so i don’t completely die. lots of water, chewing gum to suppress hunger, ridiculous amounts of caffeine because functioning without it feels impossible.

sleep is completely destroyed though. somehow on starving i barely even feel sleepy anymore. probably the caffeine abuse.

i also started walking 10-20k steps daily which became really important. i burn around 500-600 calories just from walking, so overall i stay in a massive deficit and the weight drops fast. WAY faster than with “healthy” weight loss, which honestly gives way more motivation to keep going.

on eating days i try to keep food light so i don’t trigger binges again. no sugar, almost no fat, usually simple stuff like eggs. lately i barely even feel hunger anymore and sometimes i literally have to force myself to eat. but because of that there’s also barely enough energy left for walking, which is important for me.

sometimes i get so disconnected from food that i genuinely forget to eat until i start shaking and my vision goes dark.

i’ll probably continue starving because right now it works for me. i still want to lose around 20-25kg and so far i’ve already lost around 7-10kg. mostly i just want to share the process and my experience because it makes everything feel easier mentally.

but realistically none of this is healthy. it’s obsessive and honestly feels close to an ED mindset sometimes. getting deep into looksmaxxing was never actually “cool”. eventually it turns into constantly chasing some imaginary ideal while becoming unable to accept yourself as you are right now. sometimes i genuinely wish i never discovered bp/looksmax culture at all because life would probably feel calmer. but it is what it is now.

so all that’s left is to keep going and try becoming better and prettier.