How I Overdosed on MDMA

june 2024

btw this how the pills looked (good quality pills too)

wanna start this from the complete beginning from when I started trying substances, and then to the overdose itself.

I was 15 at the time. My mom went away to Russia for a week and gave me about 150–200 euros. I was already planning to try some weed, so I went on Telegram and messaged like 10+ plugs from a group full of drug dealers.

I remember at like 2 am some plug started talking shit to me for only wanting to buy for 20 euros. I was asking for a picture too, and he called me a broke bitch and was just being a nigger.

Finally, I met another plug at the address and I gave him 20 euros plus 10 for delivery. Then I started rolling a joint with 0.2g. It took me like 45 minutes because I was constantly fucking it up.

I went outside near my house into a small forest and started smoking it. I wanted to cough so bad, but I just kept force inhaling until I smoked it all. Then I went to the store, and while I was there I started feeling the high. I couldn’t control my walking and almost crashed into a grandma, and I barely managed to pay for the drink I went there to buy.

I felt so relaxed and good.

After that, I kept buying and smoking weed and ate everything that was in the house.

Then I had like 30 euros left when my mom came back from her Russia trip.

I was thinking, alright, I wanna try some ecstasy. So I met this Muslim dude and he gave me one pill for 30 euros.

I got home and took about one quarter of the ecstasy. Then I started feeling euphoric, in a better mood, with a lot of energy. I was itchy and sweaty. I put some music on and started dancing like I was exercising. I felt like I had infinite stamina and was just really happy.

Later in the day, closer to the night, I took the remaining half of the ecstasy. I sat down to play GTA 5 and was driving in the game when my eyes started rolling back. I started feeling so euphoric literally the best feeling on earth. It felt like the peak of busting a nut, but the peak stayed for 30 minutes. I was feeling so good.

When the effect went away, I felt kind of blunt. Not really depressed, just emotionally flat.

The next day I was like, I gotta get some more. I asked my mom for money and she said no, so I decided to steal 60 euros from her purse. She asked me if I stole it and I said no. She knew I did but didn’t argue that much.

I messaged the same guy and bought three pills. I told myself I needed to sleep well so the next day I could take it and feel really good.

The next morning I woke up and took a full pill right away on an empty stomach. Then I started playing GTA 5. I began feeling very sweaty, with cold sweat in my hands. After holding the controller for one minute, it was completely wet.

My mom asked me to come eat some soup. I said alright. I put YouTube on and took one sip, and that’s when the overdose started. Eyesight went about 60% dark. My eyes started shifting uncontrollably to the right and left, and my jaw started shaking. I was thinking in my head, this is an overdose. then I just drank the whole soup in like 10 seconds, then ran to the sink and projectile vomited everywhere.

I was in full survival mode, I grabbed my water bottle and ran to the bathroom. I started drinking water from the sink and kept drinking and projectile vomiting everything. I was in the bathroom for one to two hours just doing that repeatedly.

I passed out for about 45 minutes. When I woke up, I had cold sweat and water all over me. My body was so cold and I felt so weak. I literally felt like I was dying. My eyesight wasn’t dark anymore and my eyes weren’t shifting.

Then my mom knocked and asked what I was doing in there. I thought in my head i gotta get up or I’m gonna die.

I went to the kitchen and projectile vomited again. Then I put rice, banana, and a bunch of salt in a bowl and ate it all, just forcing it down. I projectile vomited the food again, not as aggressively though.

Then I went to sleep for four hours and took a bunch of charcoal pills. When I woke up, I felt better but felt like a truck had hit me. I felt more relieved, but I couldn’t think at all and felt so emotionless, numb, and blunt.

For the next two weeks, I had derealization from the stress the MDMA overdose caused to my brain.

How did the derealization feel?:

It felt like hell, literally not joking.

I had distorted perception, felt like I was in a video game, loss of sensation, felt like a robot,

altered time perception, and felt like I was in a dream.

I knew it was derealization from googling. I was mostly sleeping just to not be awake and suffering. Then it just went away after two weeks.

But that wasn’t the end of the story.

For the next six to eight months, I felt unhappy because I nuked my serotonin so badly from the overdose that I couldn’t genuinely enjoy anything. I felt like committing suicide, Slowly I was recovering but I didn’t regain my brain function or the inner dialogue in my head.

I’m using Cerebrolysin right now. It’s getting a bit better with brain function and having dreams. My inner dialogue is a little better too. I’ll probably use Cerebrolysin every year to try to heal from the damage I caused myself.

The thing is, I was average to high IQ before the overdose. It’s just that now I can’t think as properly as I used to.

When I gain a portion of my brain function back im IQ mogging everyone

im taking the Deleted "Rape without a trace" guide to good use

im gonna start slaying foids out of my league.